daily maintenance

I never really understood what daily maintenance of my conditions means. I thought it meant that I was supposed to think about how I was an alcoholic all day. This was not only boring, it made me hate myself even more. It took me a long time to buy the theory that alcoholism is a disease so it was all my fault I did not work right. After about two years of trying to attend to the suggestion every day, I would drink. This has happened three times, but I always went to AA again the next day. I was not getting better because I obsessed so much about "my condition" and this led to getting very tired of the program. I do not know when it happened, but from watching Michelle B. and others I realized that this maintenance is directly related to every action I chose to take during the day. If I chose to wake up and check in with the Great Spirit, if I read daily meditations and write about my thoughts, if I chose to remind myself constantly that I am not alone, I am maintaining my disease responsibly. Recently, I realized all of this after really trying for the first time to focus on what actions I was choosing, and how open I am letting my relationship with my HP be. I do not understand why, but when I choose to do things suggested by my AA family, I have a better day.

I try to remember Dr. Bob Smith's prescription:
1) Trust God
2) Clean house
3) Help others

If I do these three things each day, I am more productive and happy. Funny how I'd forgotten that at the end of my drinking, I had the same thinking you described; that I had to remember all day that I was wrestling with alcoholism. Then they told me "we cease fighting everything and everyone." Now I understand that I can arrest the disease a day at a time by working the steps daily (summarized by Dr. Bob.)

Years ago, someone suggested that I do nothing for the first half hour of my day. I was to get up, dressed and then sit (some say with coffee, others say not even with coffee) for half an hour, doing nothing. Over the years I've found that I can do nothing in bed (so I set my alarm clock for 5am and then again at 5:30am, when I get up.) It has been a great comfort to me in the last few years (since I let myself stay in bed.)